Any Way You Want Me (5 page)

Chapter
8: A Special Gift

           
Kylie woke up the next morning, a Saturday, with nothing on her calendar —
which was rare. She planned to stay in and watch movies all day.

           
The evening before, she'd poured her heart out to her Katrina, trying to gain
some insight into why Gatlin was pushing her away. Her friend's words rang in
her ears. "Honey, unless and until a man is ready to open up to you,
there's nothing you can do about it. And from my experience — especially once
they're used to operating like that — unless something significant happens,
they usually don't change."

           
Kylie decided to call her parents. She really needed their insight.

.
. .

           
"Every man is different honey," her father said. "But how can you
get around problems if he won't even talk to you about them?"

           
"You're father's right, Kylie," her mom said on the other line from
the extension in their living room.

           
Her father was probably on the phone in the kitchen. Her parents still had a
land line, in spite of the fact that everyone carried cell phones these days.
They had them too, but when she and her brother called home, they had a habit
of calling the land line first.

           
"If there's one thing I've learned about men in my 38 years of being
married to your father is that, even as close as we are, unless and until he's
ready to talk to me about something, I can't get anything out of him. … I know
him so well though, that usually I know what it is before he says
anything," her mother said.

           
"And that's why I usually don’t say anything," her father replied.
"Because I know you already know."

           
Kylie listened to their banter with tears in her eyes. She wished she knew
Gatlin well enough to guess what he was thinking. She'd hope to get to that
point with him. But if he wasn't willing to let her in …

           
"Look baby girl," her father said. "I don't want to see you get
hurt. It's only been three months, so maybe give it some time. But this young
man is what … 37 you say? It's highly unlikely that he's going to all of a
sudden open up to a woman. Now if there's anyone that can make him, it's you.
But I don't want you making a man do anything. He needs to come to you because
he wants to, not because he's been pushed too. You deserve that."

           
"And you're nobody's therapist Kylie," her mother chimed in.
"It's not your job to fix him. Your heart is so open honey, so full of
love that so easily pours out. But don't let anybody trample on it. Don’t let
anybody squash your enthusiasm for love. The right man is out there for you —
someone who's as open and ready for love as you are .. and who's willing to do
the work to keep it once he finds it. From what you've told us, I don't think
this one is."

           
"What your father and I have isn't perfect, but one thing he's always made
me feel is welcome … not just in his life, but in his heart," her mother
finished.

           
After hanging up with her parents, Kylie felt better for having gotten some
insight, but sad too and the realizations their words were making her face.

           
Popping a bag of popcorn, she settled in to watch one of her favorite movies to
get her mind off things for a while.

.
. .

Riggs: You wanna get married, don'tcha?

Lorna: Yes I do.

Riggs: Why didn't you tell me?

Lorna: Because I didn't want to put any
pressure on you, Riggs. I mean, if you want to someday, that'd be great; if you
don't, I love you. I'll take you any way I can get you, Riggs.

           
Kiley slipped the last few kernels of popcorn into her mouth and sighed. She'd
watched that scene from
Lethal Weapon 4
at least a hundred times. It was
one of her all-time favorites between a man and a woman in a movie. It was so
pure, so sincere. Her heart melted.

           
Why aren't women free to love a man like that?
she thought.
Enough to
say I'll take you any way you want me.

           
"Because it's dumb," she could hear her best friend Katrina say.

           
"Because you'll live to regret it," she could hear her mother say.

           
"Because you give your power away," she could hear all the love gurus
in books, magazines, on TV and the internet howl.

           
"
You are hopeless Kylie Andrews. Your friends are right … you're an
absolutely, positively hopeless romantic
," she laughed to herself.
"And proud of it!" she said out loud, never failing to switch off
that movie with her hope in love at an all-time high.

           
It didn't last long though.

           
Kylie ran her fingers across the wrapped gift. It was a gorgeous day outside
and there was still time to make the post office.

           
She went to her bedroom to get dressed.

Chapter
9: Past Demons

           
Two days later, Gatlin opened the box and took out the wrapped gift. He
recognized Kylie's handwriting, even though she hadn't put a return address on
the package.

           
He stared at the framed portrait of the 19th century English author,
Edward
Bulwer-Lytton. At the top of the black and white pencil drawing were the words,
"
The pen is mightier than the sword
."

           
At the bottom were three words, "
You were right
." He knew
exactly what she meant — he'd been right to pursue his journalism career.

           
The enclosed card read, "
The courage to pursue your dream says
everything about the type of man you are. I'm so proud of you
.~KA"

           
The gift touched him in more ways than one. Kylie was a bottomless pit of
giving.

           
What had he ever done to deserve her?

           
And how was he ever going to keep her?

Chapter
10: Moving Forward

           
Kylie had wrapped the present before that fateful night a few days ago. Even
though she hadn't seen him, she still wanted to get the gift to him. He
deserved it … and she'd meant what she said. She was proud of him, and wished
him all the success she knew was coming his way.

           
Gatlin had called three times over the last few days, but she hadn't spoken
with him, or returned his calls. She needed time to think; to make a clear
decision.

           
Her gut had never led her wrong, and it was telling her in this instance that
she was up against odds that she just couldn't beat where he was concerned.

           
She believed that as long as two people were willing to work on problems, they
always had a shot. But if either was closed, it was impossible. One person
could not solve the problems between two people — especially when they were the
two people in the relationship.

           
Even though she loved Gatlin, Kylie had decided to end the relationship. She
wanted what her parents had. She'd never believed that you had to fight for
love; at least not like this — fighting for someone to let you in to love them.

           
Before she got in any deeper — although she didn't feel she could love him any
more than she already did — she knew she had to end it.

           
She could be saving herself years of heartbreak, her mother had said. And she
knew it was true.

.
. .

           
"Did you like it?" she asked politely as they walked through Central
Park.

           
Gatlin and Kylie had bumped into each other in the office that day. He'd sent
her an email, asking her to meet him in Central Park for lunch.

           
"It was brilliant Kylie, and very thoughtful. Thank you. I'll cherish it
forever," Gatlin said, thinking of the framed photo he'd placed on his
nightstand next to his stack of ever-present books.

           
It kept her presence near. She was always with him anyway — in his heart — but
this was a visual reminder that calmed his soul every time he looked at it. It
was the first thing he looked at when he woke in the mornings and the last
thing he looked at before falling asleep each night.

           
To ease the awkward silence, Kylie took the conversation to neutral territory,
"You must be getting excited about your book coming out?"

           
"Yes, I am … Kylie why didn't you return my calls," Gatlin asked,
taking her by surprise.

           
"To be honest, I didn't know what to say and I needed time to think. … I
was going to, really."

           
"Listen Kylie, I'm sorry about the other night. I don't know what got into
me, but I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

           
"I accept your apology and you're right, you shouldn't have taken whatever
it was out on me," she said, touching his arm to ease her words.

           
Taking a deep breath, she continued. "Gatlin, look. Like I said, the
reason I didn't return your calls is because I needed time to think … about us,
how things are between us and where they might be going."

           
Crossing her hands over her chest as if to guard her heart from the next words,
she continued, "I think it's best if we go our separate ways."

           
She could see him visibly flinch, but he didn't say anything, just stuck his
hands in his jean pockets and continued to listen.

           
"When you said the other night something to the effect that I live in the
land of sunshine and butterflies, you're right. I've only had a grade A model
of what a relationship between a man and a woman is supposed to be like."

           
"My parents have been married for almost 39 years. But what's even more
amazing is they've been happily married for all that time. I see it in the way
they look at each other, the way they treat each other and the way they talk to
each other."

           
"They're each other's best friend. And I know not all marriages are like
that. I'm not naïve. But what I do know is that I can't settle for trying to
find anything less. What scares me about our relationship is, in my opinion,
your inability to open up; to fully let me into your life. We've been dating
for over three months, and I know practically nothing about your early life;
about your family."

           
"And when I point blank ask you about it, you just shut me out. That
scares the hell out of me because I think, 'Hm, if this turned into a
long-term, committed relationship, what else won't he open up to me about? And,
how will we solve problems if one of us is shut down.' That's  a recipe
for disaster."

           
"I know I'm projecting and I know it's early in our relationship, but my
father used to say, 'Forget about what a man says, watch what he does —
especially early on; that'll tell you everything you need to know about
him.'"

           
"I love you Gatlin. I think you're amazing in so many ways. You're
talented, ambitious, scrupulous, open-minded — and not to mention drop dead
gorgeous," she said, smiling sadly.  

           
"I think we could have an amazing life together," she said, looking
directly into his tiger-like eyes as she wiped the tears that began to fall at
all that was not going to be. "But, I just can't fathom being with someone
who won't share themselves fully with me. I know me. I'm an open book, and that
would kill my soul, my spirit. Eventually, we'd both be miserable and I care
too much about myself and for you to let that happen."

           
Glancing at her watch, she finished, "I need to get back to the office.
Deadline, you know," she said, trying to smile.

           
Kylie impulsively reached up and gave him a goodbye kiss on the cheek.
"Take care of yourself Gatlin, and good luck with everything. I'll be
looking for your book this holiday season."

           
Gatlin watched her walk away, her steps speeding up the farther away she got
from him.