Always You: A Lilac Bay Novel (Friends with Benefits) (18 page)

“Riley.” I looked up into his familiar blue eyes, intent on mine. For some reason, my heart started that strong thudding again. “Things could change again, you know.”

Something about the tone of his voice, about the way he was looking at me, made me think that he was talking about more than just the job opportunity.

I didn’t know why, but his words had me feeling a little nauseous. I pulled my hands away, feeling like a coward when his face fell.

“I’m hungry,” I said quickly. “You wanna grab a plate before it’s all gone?”

His eyes searched my face for a long moment, and I found that I was hardly breathing. But whatever it was he was looking for, he must not have found it, because his face relaxed and he smiled. “Sure. Let’s go eat.”

T
he party stretched
on well into the night, long after Gina and the camera crew left. Jenny opened up the hotel bar’s stock of good liquor and those of us that were left put it to good use. David and his team had made way too much food, and the DJ, my old fling Mike, seemed more than happy to keep playing as long as the dance floor was being used, relishing the fact that his services were being put to use. It was probably tough to be a DJ on Lilac Bay. There were only so many sweet-sixteens and fiftieth anniversary parties the guy could play at.

I sat out on the lawn with some of the Libbies, looking at the stars and listening to the music float up over the grounds.

“I should probably clean up,” I said a few times, less than enthusiastically, but every time I mentioned it Libby or Cora told me to leave it until morning. “We’ll get the Girl Scout troop to come help,” Libby suggested, which inexplicably made Posey start to giggle uncontrollably, saying something about child labor.

“Your cousin is drunk,” I told Iris.

She grinned at me happily. “I think I’m a little drunk too.”

“I can’t believe you’re just sitting here,” Jill complained. “Your boyfriend is over there talking to—” She squinted over at where David stood, as if trying to tell who he was talking to. Finally, she shrugged. “Your boyfriend is just over there. In a suit. And there’s music playing. Why are you sitting with us?”

“Because I like your company,” Iris said loyally.

“If I was with a guy that looked like David,” Posey said, hiccupping, “I wouldn’t give a fig newton about your company.” Her eyes widened. “Don’t tell Paul I said that.”

“He’d have to be around for us to tell him anything,” Iris muttered in my ear.

“What about you, Riley?” Jill said. “I thought you were dating that Chase guy.”

“We went on
a
date. As in one.”

“Yeah, but he likes you. I saw the way he jumped in with help for the dancing today.”

“He’s yummy,” Libby said. She was sitting on a bench, her dress pulled up around her knees, her feet bare. “Speaking of yummy, I need more food.” But she didn’t move to get it, closing her eyes again.

“He
is
pretty yummy,” I agreed. Across the lawn, I saw Andrew sitting under a tree next to Angie, the fitness instructor from the Big Hotel that had helped us with the dancing earlier. She was practically on his lap. Did he have to be so obvious about it? He was in public, for God’s sake.

“Earth to Riley,” Jill said.

“What?” I tore my eyes away to focus on her—a task that was definitely a lot harder with the amount of alcohol in my system.

“I said, why aren’t you dancing with him?” Jill asked. “If you think he’s so yummy. He’s just standing over there by himself. And don’t give me that crap about our company.”

“You’re right, Jill,” I said, slipping my shoes back on. “I don’t give a shit about your company. I’m going to ask him to dance.”

She gave me a high five as she passed. “Good girl.”

I stumbled a little bit on the grass as I made my way over to Chase.
Probably shouldn’t be drinking anymore tonight
, I told myself. He smiled as I approached, and I wasn’t sure if the force of that helped or hurt my sobriety.

“Hey,” I said, coming to a stop a few feet away. “What are you doing?”

“Enjoying the night,” he said, gesturing around. “You put on a good show today.”

“
You
did,” I corrected. “You’re the one that was dancing. I didn’t dance.”

He was laughing softly. “Riley, are you drunk?”

I nodded. “I’m maybe a little tipsy.”

“Do you want to dance with me?”

“Yes, please.”

He led me out onto the dance floor, and I was pleased to find that I didn’t feel half as uncomfortable in his arms as I had felt with Andrew.
Take that, Powell
, I thought, then frowned. Why was I angry with Andrew? He hadn't done anything to me.

“So,” Chase said, drawing my attention back to him. “How do you feel about the day? I think it went really well.”

“The producer liked it,” I said. I considered telling him what Gina had told me about work, but changed my mind at the last second. I didn’t know him well enough to be confiding something like that. It felt too personal—the thing that I had dreamt of doing since I was a kid.

“Did you have fun?” I asked instead.

“I did. I’ve never been in a flash mob before.”

“Well, you can cross that one off your bucket list.” He laughed, the sound low and velvety. Definitely yummy.

“What about you?” he asked. “Did you have fun?”

“I did eventually,” I said. “It was pretty stressful at first.”

“Well, you handled it really well. I was surprised not to see you dance.”

I snorted. “I don’t dance.”

“You’re dancing right now.”

I looked up into his dark eyes, so different from Andrew’s blue ones. “You’re right.”

It wasn’t just his eyes that were different from Andrew. He
felt
different, too. Andrew was a little shorter than Chase, but a lot broader across the chest. And his hair was different, of course, Andrew had that distinct auburn hair that I had been jealous of since we were little kids. I had a sudden memory of him letting me cut his hair when we were eight. I had wanted to play beauty salon, and Andrew let me, and then we both got into so much trouble, and—

“What’s so funny?” Chase asked, and I realized, belatedly, that I was giggling under my breath.

“Nothing,” I said quickly, feeling stupid. Why was I thinking about childhood antics when I had a guy this cute in my arms?

“I had fun on our date the other night,” he was saying, and I forced myself to pay attention. Chase had taken me to the mainland for Italian food and a movie. It was a nice date. He was interesting, and clearly interested in me, and he’d held my hand in the movie theater. Plus he'd bought me popcorn, and you really can’t beat that.

“I had fun too,” I told him.

“We should do it again,” he said. “Maybe this week? There’s a really good restaurant here on the island, I’m sure you know it—Rose’s? Have you eaten there?”

The thought of going to Rose’s with Chase made me feel strangely uncomfortable.
Probably because he’s not from the island
, I told myself, trying to quell the nausea that was growing in my stomach. And Andrew’s grandmother was so much about loyalty and being true to this community.

So why are you even with him?
A voice in the back of my head wondered.
He’s not a part of this community. Can you seriously date someone that you wouldn’t feel comfortable introducing to Rose Powell?

“What’s wrong?” Chase asked, pulling back to look down at me. “Riley, are you okay?”

“You know, I don’t feel great,” I said, putting a hand to his chest to steady myself. “Probably overdid it on the wine.”

“Why don’t you sit,” he said, looking concerned. “I’ll go get you some water.”

I nodded in agreement, more to get rid of him than anything else. I didn’t know what my problem was tonight. Why was I getting so damn out of sorts about a restaurant? And why was I thinking that I should make my relationship decisions based on Andrew’s grandmother? That was just ridiculous and—

A flash of blond across the lawn caught my attention. It looked an awful lot like Rebecca, but I knew that she was currently sitting under the maple tree with Jake and the kids, eating cookies, because I had just seen them, and—

Oh my God.

The blond woman turned, and I saw that it wasn’t Rebecca. It was my mother.

And she was stumbling towards the tent. Shit.

I jumped up, visions of her crashing into a food table flashing through my mind, and took off across the grass. I don’t know how I got to her so quickly, feeling pretty damn tipsy myself, but I managed to reach her side before she got to the table and did any damage.

“Mom,” I said carefully. It was so hard to judge her moods in times like this. “I didn’t know you were coming.”

She peered up at me, her red eyes narrowing. She smelled like stale beer and whiskey and I knew, just like that, that this was going to be a disaster.

“Because you didn’t invite me, did you?” she slurred. “Why would I come when my own kid doesn’t invite me?”

“The entire town was invited, Mom, you know that.” I needed to keep her calm, try to get her out of the tent. I had no idea how I was going to get her all the way back to the other side of the island in this state. I’d have to bring her to my apartment. But first I had to get her out of here.

She lurched away, pulling her arm out of my grasp. “Am I allowed to eat?” she asked, her tone nasty and cold.

Why,
why
did she have to do this tonight, when everything was going so well?

“Mom, why don’t you sit and let me get you a plate,” I said.

She snorted. “Like you’d do anything for me. You wouldn’t help me if I was drowning in front of you.”

“Mom, come on. Let’s just sit. You don’t feel well.”

“You don’t know how I feel!” she yelled, and several heads turned in our direction.
Let one of them be Andrew
, I prayed.
Let him come help me, please
.

“You don’t know anything about anything but yourself, because you’re selfish, Riley.” Her face was right up in mine now, her eyes angry and disgusted and so bloodshot they must have been horribly painful. “What did I do to get such a selfish daughter?”

I wanted to drop her arm, wanted to leave her there to do whatever the hell damage she felt like. Why did she have to be my problem? She clearly couldn’t stand me.

“You want to leave, don’t you?” she asked, her voice cruel and knowing. “I can see it in your damn eyes. You’ve wanted to leave me since the day he died. So go, Riley. I don’t need you. I don’t want you!”

She pulled her arm back to slap me, and I watched it, feeling too shocked to move.

In all the shit she’d pulled over the years, she’d never once hit me.

But then someone was there, grabbing her hand before it could make contact, someone tall and strong and for a moment I was so relieved I thought I really might burst into tears.

“Okay, Beth, everything’s fine.” It was Jake.

And I did cry then, a rush of anger swelling through me even as tears trickled down my cheek. Anger at myself for not being able to handle her on my own, anger at my mother for doing this tonight. Anger that Jake had been forced to leave Rebecca and the boys to come and deal with this when they’d all been having such a nice night. Why did she have to ruin everything?

“I’ve got you,” Jake was saying. “Let’s just come over here, sit down.”

“We should take her to my apartment,” I said, wiping at my eyes. “She shouldn’t be here.”

“Riley doesn’t want me here,” she told Jake. “Riley wishes I would die.”

“Mother!” I cried. “Don’t say that!”

“Did you wish
he
would die, too? Selfish, selfish—!” Then she was crying against Jake’s shirt, and he looked at me over her head.

“I have her, Riley. Go on, sweetie. I’ll get her home.”

“How? It’s miles in the dark and—”

“I have the cruiser here.”

Oh. The police cruiser. One of the few vehicles allowed on the island.

“Let me at least help you get her in the car.”

Together we managed to pull my still-sobbing mother down the long hotel driveway to the cop car parked on the road. Jake pulled open the back door and I helped him to get her inside, leaning over to pull her legs up into the car. In that position my face was very close to hers, close enough to see the individual tear tracks on her checks.

She looked up at me with northing short of revulsion in her eyes.

“I wish God took you instead of him.”

I stumbled back from the car, gasping.

Out of nowhere, arms came around my middle. Strong and steady and definitely Andrew. He pulled me back against his chest, saying something to Jake.

I didn’t hear it, though, couldn’t hear anything except my mother’s words over and over. She would trade me for Dad if she could. I’d always suspected she felt that way, but to actually hear it, in her own voice—

“You’re okay,” Andrew kept repeating, his words slowly coming into my consciousness, replacing those of my mother. “You’re okay, Riley. I’m right here.”

“Andrew,” I breathed out, and he pulled me around so that I was facing him, burying my face against his chest.

“You’re okay,” he repeated. “Everything is fine.”

“It’s not,” I sobbed. “She hates me.”

“She’s a sick woman, Riley.”

“She said…she said…”

“I heard. It was an awful, awful thing to say. An awful, untrue thing to say.”

I only cried harder. “She meant it. I know she did.”

“I don’t think she did, Riley. She’s just so broken up in her grief and—”

“What about my grief?” I cried. “He was my dad! And I was there, I saw it and—and—my mother
blames
me!”

“Riley.” His voice was anguished, and he tightened his arms around me until I felt like I’d never be able to breathe again. “If she really feels that way, then fuck her, okay? You don’t deserve that. You never did.”

He loosened his grip a little, and I felt a rush of panic, knowing I couldn’t possibly stand if he let me go. But he was only making room to look down at me, to make sure I could see his face. His eyes were fierce in the darkness.

“Riley, I knew your father. Gill was a good man. And he loved you and your sister more than anything else in the world. He would be so proud of you. I know he would. If your mother can’t see that then she can go to hell.”

I slumped against him once more.

“She’s already in hell, Andrew. And she thinks I put her there.”

“Come on,” he said softly. “Let’s get you home.”

I stiffened as I realized who exactly had just left with my mother. “Rebecca is alone,” I said pulling away. “Jake left, I need to go and makes sure she’s okay and—”

He shook his head at me. “Edward and Zane have it.”

I blinked up at him, confused.

“I asked Eddie and Zane to take her home. She’s fine. The kids didn’t see anything.” He took my hands, his eyes on mine. “You don’t have to worry about them. Let me walk you back to your apartment.”