All Wounds (29 page)

His strong hand on her upper arm stopped her. “Do not force me to look for myself,” he warned. “I asked you a question, and I expect an answer.”

“Like it matters!” Rebecca flared as she jerked her arm away from him.

“It does matter!” Syd retorted. “Tell me what’s upset you.”

“Why? Worried that my little
upset
will interfere with the plan that you and Nana made to keep me safe?” Rebecca demanded, hating herself for the tears forming in her eyes. She’d had all day to think about this conversation, and it wasn’t going at all like it had in her head. “You know, the one where you take my blood to keep my power under control until my birthday so no more demons would find and attack me?”

“We couldn’t have another attack like the one that happened to you at school,” Syd replied. “We had to do something.”

“You told me that by letting you feed from me that I...I was helping you!” Rebecca said, wiping her eyes before her tears could fall. She did not want to cry in front of Syd. “By letting you...consenting to...I thought I was replenishing the power that Ryan was taking from you—that you’d used to help Nana. Not that you were just doing it to keep me off some demonic radar!”“We didn’t want to add to your fear,” Sydney replied. “It was better to let you believe you were helping me than that we needed a way to keep your power hidden. It was easier. You believed you were helping, consented of your own free will, and most importantly, were not afraid. If it had been a chore or you believed you had to do so to preserve your safety, you would have been tense and anxious—something we’re trying to avoid. It was better all around if you thought it was your idea and did it of your own free will, and you
were
helping me. Just not as you expected.”

“I see,” Rebecca replied. She still couldn’t figure out if she was more hurt or angry. “You used me! And you think I’m supposed to be okay with that because you made me think it was my idea? Oh, please! I might be an idiot, but I’m not stupid, despite what you think!” She bit her bottom lip and shook her head. She made to leave again.

Again, Syd stopped her.

“You’re being unreasonable,” he said. “It was necessary. My apologies that you had to find out like this, and that...”

“That...?” Rebecca prompted, shaking him off again.

“That my actions have caused you to misunderstand me,” Syd said.

“I did warn you. The apprentice often misunderstands the closeness and intensity of the relationship with her teacher.” So it was all a misunderstanding, was it? It was her fault for feeling something when he was the one that had caused her to?

“Flatter yourself much?” Rebecca managed as she turned away again to hide her tears from him.

“Stop it,” Syd said. “It has nothing to do with flattering myself. These things happen. You were warned. Even if it were possible for your kind and mine to have the kind of relationship you see happen in films, it still would not be so between you and I. You are a human. A Healer. And I am a Master vampire.”

Rebecca hated the amused pity in his voice. She almost expected him to start laughing at her. He may as well go ahead. Everyone else did, and at least she’d done something to deserve
him
laughing at her.

“What are you truly upset about? How does this knowledge change our relationship? By letting me drain you a little every day, you’re kept safe from further demon attacks. You’re doing what you can to save yourself!

This is what we all want. We all need you to stay safe, to reach your birthday and allow your power to manifest in its entirety. Soon after that, you won’t need me anymore. You’ll be powerful enough to look after yourself. Teach yourself. I should think you’d look forward to that.”

“Yeah,” Rebecca replied with a sniff. “Yeah, that’ll be great.”

“It’s actually beneficial that this came up,” Syd said. “What Ryan and I have been taking from you isn’t enough to keep you hidden any longer. I’m going to have to take a great deal more this evening.” Rebecca wouldn’t—couldn’t—look at him, even when he pushed at her arm to turn her toward him.

“Look at me, damn you, and stop sulking like a child!” he demanded.

Rebecca shook her head. She dropped the sheets she held and hid her face in her hands.

“As you wish,” Syd said after a long moment. “I said I would not leave you unprotected, and if you will not consent to me taking your blood, I cannot help you. If you don’t allow me to take your blood—and with it what power I can—they will find you and there will be nothing I or anyone else can do about it. Just your tears this moment are making you more of a target, no matter the strength of your power right now.” She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She lifted her head. “Do what you have to,” she said. “Just...just get it over with.” She pushed her hair away from the mark on her neck and bent her head to the side, exposing her throat to him.

“Your wrist will suffice, as you cannot even bring yourself to look at me.” Did he sound...hurt?

No. She was just a duty to him, that’s all. “Wherever.” She just stood there, tears escaping her closed eyes, her neck bared for him.

“Oh, Healer. Why are you putting yourself through this?” Rebecca refused to answer him. He wouldn’t understand anyway.

At least she’d finally managed to shield her thoughts. She could feel him, pushing against the mental block she’d erected in her mind. All it had taken for her to master the lesson was a thought she didn’t want him to see, and she certainly didn’t want him knowing what she was really thinking at the moment. What she’d really thought.

How much what he’d said truly hurt.

“I see,” Syd said. “Would you like me to entrance you? It might feel better if—”

“No,” Rebecca said, shaking her head. “Just do it.” She felt his blond hair brush her cheek as he bent his head low. She felt his fangs pierce her neck.

And it felt like fire.

Rebecca’s already closed eyes squeezed shut even tighter as she fought not to squirm away from him. Her arms went around his neck and she clung to him to keep from dropping to the ground as her knees buckled from the sheer agony coursing through her limbs.

Pain wasn’t anywhere close to an accurate description of what Syd was doing to her insides. She understood now why Regular people died from vampire bites—they’d want to, if this is what it was like. She felt as though her insides were being ripped apart by a thousand tiny knives.

Nothing she’d ever experienced in her life had felt like this.

Syd spared her no gentleness. She could feel everything. Her skin suddenly felt as though she’d been sunburned then rubbed with coarse sandpaper.

She was determined that she would not cry out, or beg him to stop, no matter how much it hurt. She understood now, what he meant when she said she was food to his kind. She certainly felt like just that—as though she was being consumed bite by small, agonizing bite from the inside out.

For the briefest of instants, Rebecca wondered if Syd wasn’t being deliberately cruel just to punish her for her anger with him.

Her anger with him. Her hurt. Her fear.

Her blood must taste horrid to him.

Just when she was on the verge of screaming and begging him to stop, she thought she heard Syd moan. She almost asked him if he was in pain.

Maybe he was taking her pain into himself? She felt his hand tighten on her neck. His fingers tangled in the hair at the base of her head and Rebecca’s mind went blank.

The only thing she felt was warmth and safety, like the Syd she knew.

She tried her best to keep her mind empty and not think about anything as she waited for him to finish with her. The pain had gone, but it still seemed like a very long time until he pulled away from her.

“My gratitude, Acolyte,” he managed, though his voice was barely above a whisper.

Though she hated herself for it and pleaded with herself not to do it, she looked up and met his eyes.

Is that...really nothing to you?
I’m
nothing to you?
she asked in her mind as she pulled her hair forward to cover her neck.

Syd reached and brushed her hair back from her mark again.

Don’t be absurd. Wait until your birthday. Wait and see what you’re going to
become. What you feel now will be nothing compared to that, and you’ll forget all about
me. You’ll see.

Then his hand cupped the back of her neck and he pulled her toward him. Rebecca thought to panic for only a moment before she felt his lips upon her throat, and his tongue seal the wound he’d made.

Of course that was all he was doing. She hadn’t felt him do it before he’d pulled away. She hated herself for thinking that he might have been about to kiss her. Of course he wasn’t. He was just doing what he had to.

Making sure she wasn’t going to bleed all over the place after he’d done what he could to help hide her power. Besides, there was that “she” he and Billy had vaguely mentioned now and then. Of course he’d have someone.

Someone...like him.

She closed her eyes. Rebecca felt completely stupid and pushed herself away from him. Ryan needed her.

Without a word, Syd vanished from the hallway, leaving her alone in the darkness.

w x

“Happy birthday!” Ryan said as she entered the enclave.

Rebecca closed the enclave door behind her. “Thanks, but my birthday isn’t until tomorrow. You’re looking good! I think this night feeding thing agrees with you.”

“Mornings never were my thing,” Ryan said. “What’s wrong? You look upset. Come here.”

He motioned her to come and sit on the bed. She did and he grinned at her.“Nothing’s wrong. Why would you think that?” Rebecca asked as she tried to hide the fact that she’d just spent the last hour in her room crying over Syd’s callousness and disappearance.

She couldn’t help but notice Ryan’s fangs when he smiled, and that his eyes were blue but not as bright as they could be. He really needed to be fed, despite the things she saw behind her eyes when she fed him. That didn’t happen with Syd, and Rebecca could only figure it had something to do with Ryan’s hellhound bite. Whatever the reason, he still needed her.

Unlike Syd.

She started to roll up the sleeve of her sweatshirt.

“Wait,” Ryan said, putting his hand over her wrist. “Here.” He set a small white box tied with a yellow ribbon in her hand. She looked up at him.

“What—?”

“Just open it,” he instructed, still grinning. “Never mind I’m a bit early.

Let’s call it ‘prompt’!”

“You? Prompt? Nairhoft would die,” Rebecca said with a giggle.

“Which is, of course, an excellent reason to do it,” he replied. “Go on. Open it.”

Rebecca eyed him and removed the ribbon before she lifted the lid.

She smiled even more, shaking her head as Ryan’s old, silver lighter caught the light of the bedside candle and glinted up at her.

His lucky lighter.

The same one he’d used to light his stolen cigarette the day she’d had her first detention.

The day she first learned she was a Healer.

Rebecca took the lighter out of the box and flipped open the cover.

She flicked it to life and smiled as the flame ignited, then snapped it shut with a flick of her wrist as she’d seen him do the day they met.

“Thanks, Stereotype. I’ll treasure it.”

“I was going to give you my lucky pencil, but I figure I can still use that. Kind of hard to smoke when you don’t breathe anymore,” Ryan teased.

“Always said I’d die before I quit. And they say
smoking
kills.”

“You didn’t have to give me anything,” Rebecca said, shaking her head at him. “You could have used it to light candles and stuff. I mean, it’s still a lighter.”

“Yeah, but why should I keep that when I can do this?” He opened his hand and a bright plume of blue-black flame appeared in his palm. Rebecca gasped.

“I asked Syd about it,” Ryan said. “He thinks it has something to do with being bitten by a hellhound just before being turned. It’s not something—uh—it’s not usual for...my kind. Some of the Masters like Syd can do it, but it takes a lot out of them, and isn’t a usual thing. Especially for newbies like me.”

“Maybe you’re special,” Rebecca said.

“Yeah, and you’re a delinquent.” Ryan laughed and the flame in his hand vanished. Rebecca smiled at him.

“I can’t imagine how hard this all must be for you,” she said as she reached for his hand. “It really is like you died, even though you haven’t.

You can’t go back to your old life—school...your mom...whatever you did after school—and that’s got to be hard.”

Ryan rolled his brighter blue eyes.

“Even for you, Stereotype,” Rebecca went on. “I know you act all tough, like nothing bothers you, like you’re not going to miss anything you used to do—”

“I’m not.”

“—but you are. I know you don’t think anyone will miss you, either, but they will.”

“Who?” Ryan asked, curling his lip at her. “Mom? Like she’ll even notice I’m gone.”

“The other day, you said you wanted to go home.”

“I don’t remember what I said the other day. I was more than a little out of it, and I wasn’t really sure being a vampire was the thing for me. Sure it’s cool from the outside, when you’re not one of them and you see what they can do. Actually being one is a lot different than I thought. But you know what?” Ryan smiled at her again. “Today I’m fine. Today I’m all right with it, and I’m going to make a better vampire than I ever did a human.”

“Well that won’t be too hard,” she teased.

“Seriously, Rebecca. My departure from the human world isn’t all that tragic. Who’s going to miss me? Nairhoft? He’ll find some other juvvie to pick on. You? You didn’t even know I existed until the other day—”

“I knew!” Rebecca interrupted in protest. “If you want to talk about not being noticed except to get picked on, I’m your girl. God, I was
grateful
you left me alone. You’re so horrid to everyone! I was scared to death of you, and was happy you
didn’t
notice me.”

“I noticed! I’ve been watching you for months—” Ryan cut himself off. A guilty look crossed his face, as though he hadn’t meant to say that much.