Against the Odds (2 page)

I hear the jets from the hot tub come on.
When I open my eyes, the lights in the pool are also on. I should
have known Robert wasn’t asleep. He doesn’t sleep well, either. I
look over at him and he is walking from the house to the pool
naked. I have to smile. He has the sexiest body. “What are you
doing?” 

He looks over at me and winks. “What does it
look like?” 

I smile, “It looks like you’re trying to get
arrested for indecent exposure.” 

“
If I weren't in the
privacy of our own home, I would say that is a great possibility.
But, since I am in the privacy of our own home, I think I’m safe.”
He tosses his towel on the chair before diving into the water and
making a very sloppy splash that gets me wet. Robert is not only a
pro boxer, he is also an expert swimmer. I know he splashed me on
purpose. He is far more graceful than I am. The saying ‘float like
a butterfly, sting like a bee,’ is very true with Robert. He is
very light on his feet and can give a wicked punch. He resurfaces
from the water and asks, “Are you coming in?” 

I don’t need to think about it twice. I stand
up and remove my nightgown and panties. Before I was pregnant, I
would have walked sexily over to him, now I just waddle. The baby
kicks me and I rest my hand on my belly. I don’t dive in, Robert
meets me at the stairs and offers his hand for support. Once I am
submerged in the water, he cradles me and carries me around in the
pool, like an infant in his arms. With my arm draped lazily over
his shoulder, I rest my head on his chest. “I love you,” he says,
kissing me. 

I kiss him back and say, “I will always love
you.” 

Robert

I kiss Leah and carry her around the pool.
The water makes her feather light, but I pretend to struggle
carrying her. She laughs and splashes water on my face. Her belly
bobs in and out of the water and I smile. After we swim in the
pool, I soak in the adjoining hot tub while Leah sits on the edge
dangling her manicured feet in the water.  

“
This feels nice,” she
says, closing her eyes. 

“
It
does.”  

I know that Leah’s mind is racing with
thoughts about the DNA results. I walked outside naked as an
attempt to take her mind off it. My wife suffers from depression
after the loss of our daughter and I didn’t realize how fragile she
was until we received the news that Jamie may have been switched at
birth. Now that we know for sure that Jamie was switched, just the
thought of that brings bile from my stomach to my throat and I
swear I can taste it. I don’t want Leah sinking into depression
again. It won’t be good for her or the baby. 

I look at the sky and the sun is starting to
rise.  

“
Ready to go in,
Sweets?” 

“
Now you’re worried about
your modesty?” she jokes. 

I look over at the neighbor’s house and the
light comes on inside. “It’s not my modesty I’m worried about,” I
say as I nod to her.  

She looks down at her naked body and suddenly
becomes very shy. I laugh as she tries to cover herself with her
small hands. She looks over at the neighbors like she is expecting
to see someone standing at the window.  

“
Stay here,” I
say. 

I stand and get the towel for her. “Thank
you, but what about you?” 

“
Sweets, if they want to
look at this, let them. I’m pretty sure it’s not me he wants to
see. 

We go inside and I turn off the hot tub jets
and the pool lights.  

“
Are you hungry?” she
asks. 

I am, but I know Leah needs her sleep. I’ll
eat once she is asleep.  

“
No, let’s go back to bed,
I’m tired.” 

“
Me,
too.”  

It doesn’t take long
before Leah is in a restless sleep. She jerks and moves in her
sleep and I know that her subconscious won’t let her rest. I don’t
move or get up. Instead, I stay with her. I feel the need to be as
close to her as I can. I try hard to not think about the test
results: although it’s all I can think about.
Is our daughter loved and taken care of? Is she from a good
home? What if she isn’t?
What if she’s
beaten and battered and unloved?
I can
taste the bile again and I shift my thoughts to better
days.  

“
Daddy, I want this
one.”
  

“
Princess, are you sure
this is the one you want?”
 

“
Yep, he’s got big soft
fluffy ears.” I watch as Jamie rubs the bunny’s face along her face
and across her closed eyes. “And he’s pink,” she
smiles. 
 

That’s enough for me to
buy the entire stock of stuffed animals for Jamie, if she were to
ask me. It’s so hard to say no to her. I pick her up and carry her
to the register and pay for her new purchase. Jamie runs into the
house to show her momma her new toy. It’s not just a toy, but her
new family member. I know from past experiences that this new
stuffed animal will be with us as a family twenty-four hours a day
and seven days a week.
 

I look on the bench, at the foot of the bed
and sure enough, there sits Jack. Jamie’s beloved stuffed animal
with big pink floppy ears. He doesn’t look new anymore but
resembles more of a rag doll, instead.  

I remember the day she told me to take care
of Jack for her.  

“
Daddy, I have to
go.”
 

“
Jamie, stay, I need to
make sure you are all right. We had an
accident.”
 

“
Daddy, I need to go. I
love you and mommy so much.”
 

“
Where are you going?” I
try to open my eyes, but they refuse to open.
 

“
I need to go with
grandma. Daddy, it is so pretty, and you should see all the pretty
flowers.”
 

“
Jamie, don’t leave me, I
love you,” I cry.
 

“
I love you, too, Daddy.
Grandma is waiting for me. Take care of Jack for
me.”
 

Jack is now dirty and he no longer smells of
Jamie. Leah and I couldn’t bring ourselves to wash him. Not after
the accident and not now. I stare and Jack and I hold Leah as I
pray for the best possible outcome there is.  

Leah stirs and I still. I close my eyes to
appear to be sleeping. Leah doesn’t say anything and she doesn’t
move anymore either. I open one eye and she is watching me. “I knew
you weren’t asleep. I close my eyes and fake a snore. She tosses a
pillow at me and begins to laugh. Opening my eyes, I have to laugh,
too.  

“
Why do you do that?” she
asks. 

“
Because you’re
funny.” 

“
No, not laugh. Why do you
act like you’re sleeping when you aren’t?” 

“
I
was
sleeping.”
Not just now, but I was sleeping last
night
, I think to myself to justify my lie
to Leah. 

“
Stop it, you’re a
terrible liar.” 

I watch with a smile as my wife struggles to
get out of bed. Our baby is growing and it is making it difficult
for Leah to maneuver around. “Don’t smile, you’re carrying the next
one,” she says as she walks to the restroom. I cringe at just the
thought. I get out of bed and lay Leah’s robe on the bench for her.
I pick up Jack, Jamie’s stuffed animal and take him to the kitchen
with me.  

I start breakfast and make Leah some hot tea.
She walks into the room wearing her robe I laid out for
her.  

“
What are you doing with
Jack?” 

I look at her and then the dingy stuffed
rabbit.  

“
I think he needs a bath.
He looks dirty,” I say. 

“
I noticed that the other
day. Maybe I can handwash him, I’m not sure he’ll survive a wash in
the washing machine.” 

“
That’s a good idea. Let’s
not take a chance on it.” 

After breakfast, Leah takes a bath. I go
downstairs and work out. I’m not sure how I can keep up the
positive attitude. This waiting game is killing me. 

As soon as I think Leah is done, I shower and
go upstairs. I find Jack is washed and is sitting on the kitchen
counter, drying, I walk upstairs and I’m not surprised when I find
her in Jamie’s room. The ballerina music box is playing “Somewhere
Over the Rainbow.” Leah is holding it and singing softly to the
music. She is wearing a white robe and her hair is up in a white
towel. I cross my arms and lean into the doorframe and watch. Leah
wipes her tears and continues to sing. I wish there were something
I could say or do, but there isn’t. I wish I could take away her
pain, but I can’t. I just pray that God protects Leah and watches
over her for the both of us. It’s completely out of my
hands.  

Leah

When the song is finished, I close up the
music box and set it back on Jamie’s dresser. Robert is dressed and
leaning into the door frame of Jamie’s room. I wipe my tears and
say, “I’m trying to hold it together, I really am.” 

He smiles sadly and walks slowly to me. “I
know you are.” Robert holds me tightly and I melt into
him.  

“
I feel like I’m losing
it. I feel like I just want to lie down and…” 

“
Leah, no! Don’t say it.
God, please don’t say it.”  

I don’t. Robert doesn’t need to hear my dark
thoughts. He removes the towel from my head and kisses my head.
“God, I love you. I love you so much. Leah, I can’t live without
you. I never want to live without you.” He holds me close and I can
feel his own fears.  

I wrap my arms around him and let him hold
me. I fight the black cloud that hovers and I fight to be strong
for Robert.  

I force myself to do my hair and my makeup. I
want to go back to bed and sleep. Sleep until this nightmare
passes, but I don’t. Robert keeps his phone close by just in case,
our attorney, Bruce calls. How long will it take for the hospital
to contact him? The baby moves a lot today and I wonder if he’s not
upset. I try to calm myself and think positive
thoughts.  

“
Do you want to go for a
car ride?” Robert asks. When I was a child, my parents and I always
went on car rides. It’s when you get in the car and drive to no set
destination. You just ride until you’re done. Once, as an adult, we
drove to the Amish country, went to an auction and then went out of
state to a casino. It is one of my fondest
memories.  

“
We can stop by and get
some lunch at Yoder’s fresh market, stop at some unknown place and
have lunch,” Robert says. 

I smile. “You don’t like car
rides.” 

“
I don’t, but you do.
Maybe we can carve our initials into a tree.” 

I’m not sure if he’s serious or if he’s
making fun of me.  

“
Really?” 

“
Yep,” he smiles. “Get
your Vans on and get a blanket for us to sit on, and I’ll get a
small cooler of snack and drinks.” 

I do as he says and put on my comfortable
Vans brand tennis shoes and get a blanket from the closet. I change
into a pair of white capris and a light pink sweater. When I get to
the kitchen, Robert is putting ice into a biggie to chill our
drinks.  

“
You’re serious about
his?” I ask because I know Robert doesn’t like car
rides. 

“
I am. This will be
relaxing,” he says, putting the last of the drinks into the cooler
and closing it. “Are you ready, Sweets?” 

“
I am. After you,
Ace.” 

Of course, Robert doesn’t go first. He holds
the door open for me and walks behind me. We stop by the Fresh
Market and get some soup, salads, deli sandwiches, and even some
chocolate-covered strawberries for dessert.  

“
We won’t eat all that.
You know that, right?” 

“
Maybe not, but I want to
make sure we have enough food,” he says as we walk around the
store. He stops and picks up some pink roses and places them
carefully in the cart, too. 

“
Flowers for Jamie? We
just took her flowers,” I remind him. 

“
We did, that’s why these
are for my wife.”  

I can only smile at Robert. I can’t remember
the last time I got flowers from him.  

“
They
are?”  

Robert says, “I don’t do enough for you. I
realized that this week.” He hugs me and says, “Leah, you’re my
rock and I don’t know what I would do without you. I vow to show
you more often how much I love you.” 

I cry because I can’t do anything else. He
shows me every day how much he loves me. There isn’t a day that
goes by that I don’t think he loves me, or Jamie, or our unborn
baby.  

“
I love you,” I
say.  

Robert leans down and kisses me. 

We drive out to the country and have lunch
under a big mossy tree. It’s a hot day with a breeze blowing
through the tree.  

“
Have you been thinking
about the news we received today?” 

I admit, “I can’t think of anything else.” I
pick at a blade of glass and look at Robert. “I really wanted Jamie
to be our biological child.” 

“
Me, too. I’ve been
thinking about our biological daughter.” He takes a drink of his
water. “I wonder if she looks like you, what she acts like, what
her voice sounds like.” 

“
I know. I wonder if I
would know her if I saw her. She’s our daughter, you would think
that we would be able to recognize her right
away.”