Authors: Nate Allen
A Change of Needs (9 page)
While Jake had spent most of his adult life single, largely unattached and free to live his life as he wanted, she had been married for most of it. She had lived the childhood that was expected of her, and the typical teenage frolics and exploration most of her friends, most kids in general were experiencing, Rae hadn’t gotten past second base, except for stealing third on a church camp outing. She had a sexual energy about her that would equal Jake’s, and in a parallel, but entirely different way, she had not had the outlet for it either, and much like him, just because it wasn’t tended to didn’t mean it had gone away.
Quite the opposite, it had continued to grow, the desire, the need, she was literally burning from the inside out, and while she’d had a few dalliances as a young woman in that time prior to meeting Frank, she had never been promiscuous. It was almost unfathomable the self-restraint and discipline she had, and patient as a cicada. Frank for her was that step on the wild side, he was successful, attractive, popular, and an older married man, which presented an element of
taboo
which undoubtedly added to the lure. It seemed like the worst thing she had ever done was fall asleep during one of her father’s sermons, and Frank was constantly throwing his attention and unmasked intentions towards her, discreetly of course. And she gave in to her desire for the first time in her life, and it probably would have ended with a fling if not for the pregnancy. And it grew from there, out of a
natural
Baptist necessity into a marriage. She had barely stepped on the proverbial dance floor so to speak, before the music had stopped.
Her parents were not happy about the way things had worked out, but if they had any disappointment in Rae they hid it. She and Frank had that chemistry necessary to a successful marriage, and if he had not fucked around
and got caught
, they might very well have still been married. She had that fire, and he was at least interested in trying to tend to it, and that was what she needed at the heart of it, some necessary attention, and an outlet. It was not a question of quantity but quality for her at that point in her life. And as our story evolves, Jake may well have been his own worst enemy where that was concerned. Even after the divorce she behaved conservatively in her sexual endeavors, she didn’t have a husband, but she had two young boys, and they were the center of her world. A lot of women have a bad boy fantasy, and the preacher’s daughter had a vivid one, but she found that the kind of men she was attracting weren’t particularly interested in helping her raise her kids, and that quickly became a priority for her in finding a life-partner as she recognized the difficulty in doing it primarily alone presented …and then she met Glen.
He was by no means the bad boy type, as the Docker’s and Wallabees betrayed any intention he might’ve had of trying to present that
rebel with a pocket protector image
. And outside of the college community not a recognizable authority figure, and sadly she didn’t find him all that sexually attractive. So “what the fuck?” you’re saying, well, he was however brilliant, seemingly deep and insightful, and that had an intrinsic and compensating value for an equally intelligent woman, who at the time was in need of some guidance in things he knew much about, and she found his mind very attractive. But she couldn’t fuck his mind, and his body seemed less interested and more uncooperative with time. It had to be the fact that she intimidated him. In a pragmatic, rational,
personal business
sense however, the man made a perfect choice for a husband, and she would be the one to suggest the idea, since he seemed to lack the initiative to do so.
They were married a year and a half when Natalie came along, and while she was an
unexpected
surprise to both, they delighted in the beautiful addition to the family. But theirs was never a love affair, it simply served a purpose in her life at the time. “
He was a wonderful husband…they were happily married…
” you begin to think that initial park bench portrayal should have come with “air quotes,” a disclaimer, or some fine print that read:
“Wink* Wink* …he’s a
really
nice guy, and I truly care about him, but after I’ve raised these kids I’m gettin’ the hell out of here!!” ….
“In the meantime I’ve got an itch, can you scratch it for me? And would you please use your penis, thank you.”
So there you have a picture to begin with, a hot thirty-something wife married to an average looking, academic nerdish fellow. We’ve all seen the couples and thought “Damn that dude must be hung like a mule,” and he may well have been, but if so, it was apparently so big he couldn’t produce enough blood to fill it… And it’s doubtful that was actually the case as Jake would routinely hit bottom …and he was not of the farm animal variety. It was initially that simple, which brings Rae to this evening’s party for two. As noted in her first email to Jake, she was more
“realistic,”
about it this time, which now seemed an allusion to the fact she had fallen outside the marriage on two previous occasions, and was
realistically
intent on doing so again. And this represented a new endeavor for her, an attempt to cultivate an ongoing extra-marital sexual relationship, without baggage, unnecessary drama, built on a level of trust and communication, and no expectations or attachments…
Goddamn
, try saying that with a straight face… Friendship was not an integral part, only “friendliness,” and she thought Jake the perfect man for the part, and he thought himself to be in agreement. But in the best laid plans of
vice
and
men
,
things seldom go as planned, and as if he had instead brought a six-pack of
“I’m gonna fuck your brains out and ruin your life in the process,”
like some ill-constructed sexual Titanic on its maiden voyage, almost immediately …as if cosmically
synchronized
to do so, it would become much more complex.
She showed him around the house, a quick tour of the facilities, he taking note of all the surfaces, potential
points of entry
, and
impact zones
…and the exits. Like a contractor there to provide an estimate for a remodeling project, he was in that “I’m here to do work” frame of mind you remember. He glanced at the portraits atop the piano, beautiful kids, they all unmistakably had her eyes and smile. He imagined the boys looked like Frank …without make-up and camera lights, and Natalie, an adorably toothless blonde first-grader must have resembled Glen, whose picture he purposefully avoided as if like staring at the sun, it might cause him to go blind or worse …limp.
Like the dawg his friends purported him to be, he was already pissing in this one’s yard, and about to steal his bone …and bury one in his wife. And as wrong as he knew it to be, that thievery made the occasion more exciting, a stolen kiss better than a legal one, there’s a reason they call it “
booty
” after all, right? And though she would need no additional allure for our lovable hound Jake, it had made her all the more coveted, like a pork chop. He thought the encounter with Ivey had seemed inappropriate, but it would now look comparatively innocent as if “sanctioned” by the church.
They put on the CD he had brought as they finished their beers in an effort to ease the tension, the anticipation had built over the past few weeks like that of the Super Bowl, the
Super Fuck
, it was surprising the neighbors couldn’t sense it and were lining the street as he approached. You have to wonder whom they would have been cheering for, the ratio of gender preferences, and the reasoning behind their respective choices …like a middle-aged
Twilight
adaptation:
Team Jake vs. Team Glen
. He was wearing his uniform …you know, jeans, nice shirt, and those sharkskin boots …what he thought any self-respecting gigolo or homewrecker might attire himself in. She wore an aqua blue silk shirt that made her green eyes even more unavoidably beautiful, jeans, and barefoot… Embellishing on it, he had pilfered a line from the film
Wild at Heart
and with awestruck sincerity told her “
You look hotter than Carolina asphalt in July.
” She smiled, “
I recognize that, shame on you …it was Georgia asphalt,
” her accent nearly mimicking Laura Dern’s character Lula. “
Yeah well, I guess you could say I collect phrases I think I’ll have a need for, and I pocketed that one the moment I heard it, tried to make it a little my own, how’d I do?
” he replied, then not waiting for a response, with raised eyebrows and an unadulterated smile he continued, “
I’ve been waiting a long time to say that to a woman, I just didn’t want to have to lie.
” She couldn’t miss the intentionally unsubtle compliment, he was saying all the right things she thought, had someone given him a script?
The woman had a natural sensuality about her, and it fell off her like dew. She hadn’t invited the man here to conversate, and she was duly becoming increasingly
hot
and
bothered,
and with a sweltering, purely southern sultriness, her lip curled a bit in that wicked grin, she replied, “
Talk like that could get you in some trouble.
” And then she touched him, taking his hand in hers, as he then gently grabbed a handful of hair and slowly pulled her mouth to his, dragging his lips across hers, before stating with some clarity, but not boastful, as if it were a sudden awareness to himself as well, “
I should warn you, I’m the kind of man women fall in love with.
” “
Unlikely,
” she replied. “
Only one way to find out,
” he followed as if thinking aloud. He felt the
static
coming on like a Mustang 5.0 engine somehow stuffed into a VW frame, vibrating like it was sitting at a stoplight, the adrenaline too much to throttle, but this was likely to get rambunctious, and it would be his ally tonight. Then the cute boy who had grown up with much love to give, kissed the pretty girl who had grown up with much need for it, and it was a kiss neither would forget.
They would have the stunned look of two people in one of those K-Y jelly INTENSE commercials when the night was through. There would not be an untouched surface in the house come morning, or suggestion of any sleep. He had outdone himself, and in the process of service delivery, the abundance of lust and attention had come wrapped in a genuinely loving fashion, and it had properly “fucked her head up.” It was unclear whether she had forgotten what it felt like to be desired in such a way, or if she ever truly had been. But you can’t fake that shit, some people live their whole lives and never have such an experience, and as a consequence, that fire was no longer smoldering, it was all ablaze. It’s a wonder the neighbors didn’t call for help.
They would replay the events again in surprisingly similar fashion the next night, this time at his place, And unlike
Holyfield-Tyson II: The Sound and the Fury
disappointment that Jake had spent $60 on PPV to watch Mike Tyson bite off part of Evander Holyfield’s ear in the third round, disqualified, fight over, no refund. The second bout between our two participants was more epic than the first. And the end result was a resounding confirmation of what they both had felt, sequels to a great event seldom equal the first, but theirs did.
The coals and cinders of the weekend would burn in her memory for days afterward. He had abruptly made a mess of her little plan and dismissed all her considerations. Now she was addicted to the passion, and all she knew was that she couldn’t get enough and wanted more. The emotional clutter and disarray he’d left behind after
wrecking
her notion of a sexual arrangement had blurred the picture, and she couldn’t tell if she had
lost
herself or
found
herself in that two day window of her life. Maybe it’s possible that in the “losing” we “find” our self. But
whatever
the case might’ve been, she was damn sure confused …and he
was
not, and
that
would change the dynamic of things for a time to come.
.
They hadn’t invented sex, but they damn sure as shit felt like they had discovered how to use it properly. They would occupy a lot of each others thoughts in the coming days, and communicated frequently like two people who had been to an event like Woodstock or Live-Aid might to discuss the magnificence of the event, how great it had been, had changed theirs lives …and that revisiting of it, the preoccupation and distraction it presented, made the daily duties their lives required difficult at times for both of them, and at the end of the day she went to bed with another man. It was testing that plurality of selves she had. There wasn’t one prepared for this.
It had not been the actual sex that had busted her box wide open, it was the intimacy it had brought with it, this man was not simply a piece to the puzzle, he had brought several interesting pieces with him and it was unclear of the picture it would present. All the certainty that had governed and defined the plan of her life as she had it mapped out was called into question, it wasn’t a feeling of guilt …she had absolved herself of that before this began, but there was now an anxiety about her that wasn’t there before, as if there had been some transference in the process of what he had felt most of his life. However slight the discernment or discrepancy, restlessness had now replaced her discontent, and she wanted to come out and play. In that fight or flight moment induced by her anxiety she would contemplate fleeing, actually leaving as in separation and divorce, all from the events of a single weekend, and not necessarily because the gravity of what had transpired was so great, though it was …but because it had shined a great big fucking spotlight on what wasn’t so great in her marriage. It would test Jake’s resolve in all manners of ways as well.
Rae had the boundaries, and would need to be the one to initially jump the fence. She would find herself stealing away every opening her busy schedule permitted. He worked in Raleigh on a daily basis, and the opportunities therefore were numerous. It had spontaneously transitioned from a sexual arrangement into an intense invisible friendship, Rae was calling to see if he wanted to have lunch, a drink after his day’s work, not for a quickie, but to simply see the man, and enjoy the way he looked at her.