92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships (30 page)

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He gave a hearty laugh at my tasteless joke and said, “You caught me!” He turned over my card and I saw one word written on it:
Sancerre
. Then, to assuage my paranoia, he emptied his pocketful of people’s business cards to show me scribbles on the back of each. I assumed it was just Joe’s little system to help him remember people. It wasn’t until months later that I saw the method to his madness.

One morning I went to my mailbox and found a personal

postcard from Joe. He told me he was running for state senator. Then at the bottom of the card, he’d written, “Had any good Sancerre lately?” That won my heart. Had I lived in his state, a little touch like that might have swayed my vote to him.
Technique #76

The Business Card Dossier

Right after you’ve talked to someone at a party, take

out your pen. On the back of his or her business card

write notes to remind you of the conversation: his

favorite restaurant, sport, movie, or drink; whom she

admires, where she grew up, a high school honor; or

maybe a joke he told.

In your next communication, toss off a reference to

the favorite restaurant, sport, movie, drink, hometown, high school honor. Or reprieve the laugh over the great joke.

They may not jump up and down asking, “How did you remember that?” Nevertheless, they will remember you. No matter how important the VIP, he or she senses a special kinship 08 (265-292) part eight 8/14/03 9:19 AM Page 287

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with the person who refers to other than their usual well-known accomplishments.

Politicians are constantly selling themselves. (If you’ve ever wondered why America is called “The Land of Promise,” just keep your ears open in election year.) But, of course, to know what to promise people, politicians use the next super sales technique called

“Eyeball Selling.”

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✰
77
How to Make the Sale

with Your Eyeballs

The percentage of sales that Jimmi, a good friend of mine, makes is not to be believed. Even his sales manager doesn’t know how he does it. But I do. Because he told me.

Jimmi says the fancy sales techniques he’s learned over the years (Benefits Selling, Partnering, Selling to Personality Types, Value-Added Concept, Rejection Proofing, Spin Selling) all pale next to what he calls “Eyeball Selling.”

Eyeball Selling is not memorizing two dozen closing techniques. Nor is it verbally sparring with a customer to overcome objections. Jimmi says it’s quite simply keeping his eyes open, watching his customer’s reactions, and adjusting his sales pitch according to how his customer’s body moves.

While Jimmi is giving his sales pitch, he’s concentrating more on how his customer fidgets, twitches, and squirms than on what he’s saying. He’s scrutinizing his customer’s involuntary head movements. He’s studying her hand gestures, her body rotation, her facial expressions—even her eye fluctuations. Jimmi says when his customer is not saying a word, even if she’s trying to give you a poker face, she cannot not communicate. She may not say in words how receptive she is to your pitch, but she’s clearly telling you nonetheless. Jimmi says knowing what turns a prospect on, what turns her off, and what leaves her neutral from moment to moment can make or break the sale.

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How Jimmi Finds Out Where the

Buck Stops

The product Jimmi sells is expensive lighting equipment. Often he must make sales presentations to groups of ten, twenty, or more people. He says, “The first challenge in Eyeball Selling is discovering who the real decision maker is.”

Jimmi meets his challenge in an unorthodox (not necessarily recommended) way. Right after “Good afternoon, gentlemen and ladies,” he says something slightly confusing. Why? Because the surprised group doesn’t know how to react. So their heads all twirl like weather vanes on a windy day to look at—guess who?—the honcho, the heavyweight, the head man or woman. Now Jimmi’s got his decision maker so he can continue Eyeball Selling to that person.

What to Do When You Get Your Cue

Some signals are obvious,” Jimmi says. “People shrug their shoulders for indifference, tap their fingers for impatience, or loosen their collar when they feel uncomfortable. But there are hundreds of other unconscious gestures I keep my antennae tuned for.

“For example, I watch the exact angle of my prospect’s head position. If it’s fully facing me, especially if it’s cocked at a cute little angle, it means they’re interested. In that case, I keep right on talking. But if their head is slightly turning away, that’s a bad sign. I take it as a cue to change the subject and maybe talk about a different benefit of my product.”

Jimmi not only tailors what he’s saying to his customers’ reactions, but he actively takes steps to change his prospect’s body position if he feels it’s not receptive. He says, “The body must be open before the mind can follow.” For example, he continues, “If your customer has his arms crossed in front of his chest, hand him something to look at so he has to unfold them to take it from you.” Jimmi 08 (265-292) part eight 8/14/03 9:19 AM Page 290

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always carries a briefcase full of props to break down the barriers. He has photos of his wife and kids to hand married prospects, snapshots of his Skye terrier for customers that have a dog, an antique watch to show antique lovers, and a pocket-size computer to show gadget fanatics. Jimmi says, “As long as I can get them to open their arms to reach for something, I have a shot at their minds.”

Jimmi also paces the timing of his pitch to match his customers’ covert reactions. When his client reaches for an object, he takes it as a cue to talk slower or just be quiet. Reaching for a paper clip or fondling a folder on the desk says, “I’m thinking about it.”

Of course, Jimmi is on constant lookout for sales-ready signals like picking up the contract, fondling the pen, or turning their palms up. At that point, he cuts quickly to the close.

Another cue to bring out the contract-signing pen is when your prospect’s head starts bobbing up and down like a plastic duck. They’re silently screaming, “Yes, I’ll buy!” Unskilled salespeople just keep on talking until they finish the pitch they learned in training. Many keep talking so long, they unsell themselves. Conversely, when customers move their heads back and forth, no matter what they are saying, they mean “No!”

Eyeballing Is Not for Selling Only

Without a word, your friends and loved ones also show their wishes. When my friend Deborah became engaged to Tony, it seemed obvious to everyone—except Deborah—that it was not a marriage made in heaven. A few months before their wedding I said, “Deb, are you really sure Tony’s the one for you?”

“Oh yes,” she said, her head moving right and left, back and forth, “I love him very much.” That marriage never took place. Her body recognized what her mind hadn’t yet realized.

Like a politician, think of your social conversations as sales pitches. Even if you have no product, you want them to buy your ideas. If your listener turns away while you’re talking, don’t con-08 (265-292) part eight 8/14/03 9:19 AM Page 291

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centrate on how rude the person is. Like a sales pro, ask yourself,

“How can I change the subject to turn this person on?” If their whole body starts to turn away, use the time-honored personal question ploy. Ask about their favorite topic. “George, how big did you say that bass you caught last week was?” Or use his name and ask a personal question. That’s always a grabber. “Archibald, what did you say the name of your high school football team was?”

We’ve talked about only a few responses. Hints for reading someone’s body language could fill a book. In fact, they have—

many of them. I suggest a few of my favorites in the references.21–26

Read up on body language and tune in to its visual channel whenever you’re trying to sell to people, get their vote, or convince them you’re the best candidate for the job or the role of life partner.
Technique #77

Eyeball Selling

The human body is a twenty-four-hour broadcasting

station that transmits “You thrill me.” “You bore me.”

“I love that aspect of your product.” “That one puts my feet to sleep.”

Set the hidden cameras behind your eyeballs to pick

up on all your customers’ and friends’ signals. Then

plan your pitch and your pace accordingly.

Wouldn’t it be super to have Jimmi’s success rate with our listeners accepting whatever we say? We can if we just keep our eyes open.
A Quick Review

That’s all there is to it. You’ll remember to eat before coming to the party (the Munching or Mingling technique) to leave your 08 (265-292) part eight 8/14/03 9:19 AM Page 292

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hands free for heavy networking. When you arrive, you’ll stop in the doorway and Rubberneck the Room to get the lay of the land. While rubbernecking, you’ll Be the Chooser, Not the Choosee and pick your prospects for the evening. When standing around, you will be relaxing and inviting with Come-Hither Hands.

You haven’t forgotten, of course, to use the meeting-people techniques from previous chapters. If you spot someone you want to talk to, check them out for a Whatzit you can comment on. Finding none, just ask the party giver, Whoozat? If the host or hostess is not in sight, simply stand near your target and resort to the Eavesdrop In technique.

While chatting with anyone you’ve previously met, you will, of course, use Tracking to win their vote or heart and all the techniques in Part Two to ensure the conversation is interesting for your new acquaintance. Finally, you’ll employ Eyeball Selling to make sure you’re on target with every conversation. And don’t forget, as you say “so long,” to scribble material for your next contact on your Business Card Dossier.

It’s a good feeling when you’ve done it all right. Continue using these techniques politicians use to work a room, and you’ll suffer no more unimportant parties. And, following the advice throughout the book, you’ll never strike anyone as an unimportant person. Now we move on to the advanced section of
How to Talk to
Anyone
. Some of the following techniques may make you scratch your head in confusion. Pay special attention to the ones that do because it means somewhere, sometime, you might find yourself scratching your head over something much more painful—like the bump from hitting a glass ceiling, or why the business deal, friendship, or love affair went sour. You might never know, unless you read it here, that it was your own communications fumble. 09 (293-342B) part nine 8/14/03 9:19 AM Page 293

✰PARTNINE

How to Break the

Most Treacherous

Glass Ceiling of All

Sometimes People Are Tigers

Every week, when I was a kid, my mother took me to the National Geographic Society to see a film. The one on tigers invades my nightmares these many years later. Sitting there in the darkened theater, I watched a mother give birth to three tiny cubs. One was born with a mangled leg. I witnessed how all the other tiger cubs excluded him. And right there in front of the cameras, he was tortured to death by the others. I remember crying and thinking how the healthy cubs were like a few of the kids in my school. Sometimes they could be very cruel. My best friend in grade school was Stella and she was a beautiful girl inside and out. But she had a speech defect, a cleft palate. And many of our classmates laughed at her behind her back and excluded her from their games.

Kids haven’t changed much. When I give talks for colleges and young people’s groups, the discussion often turns to popularity. Everyone wants to be liked. Occasionally students tell me stories
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about how some girl has a minor physical defect, say, a crossed eye or a nervous twitch. They say some kids laugh and make fun of her. Or a boy has a limp so no one chooses him for their baseball team. Even if he can run just as fast as the other kids, some of his classmates don’t like the image of “a cripple” being on their side. The years go by and kids become adults. Not too much changes. Adults are not as cruel, happily, about physical disabilities. But they can be brutal about social disabilities. Social disabilities are insidious because often we don’t recognize them in ourselves. We can be blind to our social handicaps and deaf to our verbal deficiencies. But we’re quick to recognize them in others. How many times has one of your associates made a dumb,

insensitive gaffe? How often have you written somebody off because of some stupid move? Do you think he knew what he was doing? Of course not. He had no idea he was crossing a line or stepping on your toes. Probably no one ever told him about the subtleties we’re going to discuss in this final section of
How to Talk
to Anyone
.

We’ve all heard about the glass ceiling some companies construct over women and minorities. People seldom discuss another kind of glass ceiling. This one is even more treacherous because you can’t legislate against it and only top communicators recognize it. Yet it’s a rock-hard shield. Many bright individuals hit their heads on the thick glass as they try to climb up the next rung of the ladder to join the big boys and big girls on top. The folks able to crash through are the ones who abide by the unspoken rules that follow.